无法入睡

Publisher

我躺在床上，一时无法入睡。
    室友们都回家去了，只有我一个人留在宿舍。在BBS上虽然talk得很愉快，但是一关电脑，身心都觉得疲惫已极，只想找个女孩子共暖被窝；向来孤单的我心想：春天到底什麽时候来？
      「哈罗？」
    一个女性的声音响起，很轻，带了点试验性质；我张大眼望了望，随即感到好笑；自己的房间自己清楚，哪里会有女人？唉，幻觉都出来了，拥紧棉被，还是赶快睡吧。
      「哈罗？」
    又来了，这次听得真切，真的是女人的声音。我几乎跳起来，紧张地问着：「谁？谁在我房里？」左手摸到灯开关打开，整个房间刹时亮了起来怪....怪了？什麽都没有？
    那个声音又响起来，「别慌，也不用怕。我没有恶意的。」顿了一顿，「我来你房间的原因是....是....」
      「是什麽？」我有点颤抖着问。
      「是因为....我喜欢你....」她的声音逐渐变细，尾音几不可闻。「我真的很喜欢你，所以才鼓起勇气出声招呼；希望不要吓着你了。」
    我在床上坐着，背靠着墙，棉被拉到下巴，努力的揉揉眼，没错，房间里没其他人，但声音似乎从每个角落响至....「奶到底躲在哪儿？奶说奶喜欢我是什麽意思？」
    那声音悠悠叹了口气：「我也不知道为何喜欢你，算是缘分吧！我跟着你已经有一年了。喂，不用找了，你看不到我的，我根本没有身体呀！」
    我呆呆地摇头：「不对，这一定只是个梦。现在是晚上，所以我在作梦。」可是这个梦却又如此逼真。我把棉被拉到下巴，向着空气问：「奶没有身体？这什麽意思？奶到底是谁？」
      「我只是一个精神体啦！人类都叫我们什麽来着？鬼或是幽灵啦。」
      「奶....奶到底是什麽东西....我不相信神鬼之类的，奶不要骗我。」
      「你相不相信并不重要，」她调皮地说，「真的有鬼存在，而且就在这里，而且那个鬼喜欢你，想要蠃得你的友谊！」
      「以这种方式开始？怎麽可能。」我被吓得有点生气，「你说你跟了我多久？一年了？跟着我上课、去图书馆、吃饭？」
      「嗯，还有上厕所、洗澡....我最喜欢你冲浴时沈醉在热水里的样子了。现在我最想做的，就是陪你睡觉罗！」
      「什麽？你说什麽？」我吃惊道。
      「我说：我想陪你一起睡。你要我吗？」
    我吞了口口水，这算什麽？倩女幽魂？虽然我二十好几了，但是跟女鬼睡觉？「我....我从来没有跟女孩子睡过。」
    她带着同情的口吻说：「这我知道，我就喜欢你的纯洁嘛！所以....你希望我有什麽样的身体呢？」
    一时反应不太过来，「你的意思是：你可以变成任何我想要的样子？」
      「是的。」
    我张大嘴巴，好一会儿才说：「听起来很不可思议。」
      「会吗？为什麽？」
      「我也不晓得，反正就是觉得不可思议。这太疯狂了，我一定还在作梦吧？地球上有二十五亿的男人，怎麽可能单单有个女鬼半夜在我房间里，还问我希望跟哪种身体睡觉呢？」
      「其实我碰到过不少男人....只有你能让我心动。」
    我真不知道是该感觉倒楣还是骄傲。「但是，为什麽奶会喜欢我呢？」
      「人类喜欢什麽人需要理由吗？」她不答反问。
      「我想不需要。」
      「刚好我们鬼也一样。」她又调皮一笑，「好啦，你喜欢我长什麽样子呢？」
    我有点迟疑，跟鬼玩，会不会减阳寿？但是她说话的声音听起来蛮真挚的，说不定真喜欢我呢！好吧，姑且一试，反正我平日行善，佛祖会保佑我的。「我喜欢....跟我差不多高的。」
      「那容易。」她说：「再来，肤色呢？」
      「肤色嘛！」我喃喃地说：「白种女人蛮不错的，但是肤质差了些....黑女人我又不太喜欢....对了，变那种有点天然黑的皮肤，像是印度那一带的。」
      「没问题。头发颜色呢？」
      「黑的。而且要又长又直！我希望你看起来有点印度女人的样子。」
      「但是大多数又高又苗条的印度人五官都像西方人耶！」
      「真的吗？好吧，就这样没关系。」
      「随你罗！」她又问：「那你喜欢什麽样的身材的呢？」
      「唔，中等胸部，大奶头的如何？」
    她轻笑出声。「这真是出乎我意料之外，你竟然会喜欢这种身材的；无论如何我照做就是了。那体格呢？瘦弱的，轻盈的，还是很强壮的？」
      「苗条，但是带点肌肉。」我说：「不过不要那种练出来健美的肌肉啦，是很自然运动产生的。」
      「体毛？」
      「我真不敢相信....」突然感觉好像在餐厅吩咐师父要煮几分熟的牛排，加上多少的调味酱一样....体毛？
    她又笑了：「对不起啦，我知道这有点疯狂；但是我必须依你的希望产生....你希望我有腿毛、阴毛、腋毛吗？」
      「喔！」我想了一想，然后自己也笑了。「我知道人类要自然一点比较好，但是我想要一个没有毛的身体....」
      「好吧！我可以变成没毛的女人。」停了会，「我要现身了哦，你准备好了吗？」
      「等一下。」突然发现自己几乎是脱光睡的，「先让我把衣服穿起来。」
      「没穿衣服有啥关系？我不能变衣服出来，所以我也是裸体的；再说我跟了你一年，早就把你身体看得一清二楚了。我喜欢你没穿衣服的样子。」
    我叹了口气，说道：「好吧。」
    就是那麽简单；上一刻，我还孤独地一个人待在房间里；下一刻，她冒了出来，站在我床前。就着床头灯看，她真是美苗条、健康的黑皮肤，小小的胸部上覆盖着两圈比肤色更黑的乳晕，长长的黑发如瀑布般直泻腰际。她以皇后般的幽雅伸出手来，我迟疑了一下，迎向她的手；我又吃了一惊，原以为鬼是虚无飘渺，或是冷冷冰冰的；但是她的手却是如此的温暖，皮肤如此地光滑，就跟我们人类的一样。
    她对着我微笑，然后拉我的手去碰她娇软的胸部。「来吧！来摸摸我，来摸摸这个你创造出来的躯体。」
    我可以感觉手在颤抖。「我真不敢相信....我是在作梦吧？」这真的不是我的幻觉吗？她的胸部是那麽的真实，那麽地温暖，还带了浓浓女性身上特有的幽香。如果这是梦，那也做得太过火了一点。
    她跨了一部，坐上了床，整个身体靠在我的肩上；我可以感觉到她的乳间碰到了我上臂。她吐气如兰，说着：「就算是作梦也没关系....你何不现在尽情享受，把是不是梦的问题，留待天亮再讨论呢？」
      「好吧！」虽然亲眼见到，我还是怀疑着：「喂，奶不是什麽离家出走、又会变戏法的未成年少女吧？不要愚弄我哦！」
    她嘻嘻一笑，忽然又隐形了，「你看我是不是在愚弄你呢？」
    她就这样不见了，真是奇妙啊！但是在几秒之内，有「人」轻轻地碰我；嘴唇有着潮湿的感触，一双手缠住我的背，两团肉球贴着我赤裸的胸膛；我眼前的的确确没任何东西，但感觉又如此真实....
    我躺回床上，她还是绕着我；我开始回应她的吻。她离开我的唇，开始吻我的脖子，手指在我身上恣意探索着。终于她找到了我内裤的裤带，焦急地褪下这个障碍。我抱住看不见的她，在她背上爱抚着。
    我跨下的器具以最快的速度升起，然后被一股潮湿而温暖的物体所吞噬。我还是看不见她，但是可以感觉出她在我的怀抱中，享受着我的处男的献礼。这麽紧，这麽有力，像是有东西在吸着。我全身肌肉都绷了起来。忽然，一股想像不到的痛快，像电一般流过我的身体，一阵狂喜的痉挛，好久没有得到宣泄的白色精液像火山爆发喷、喷、再喷，一次比一次喷得更高。
    这个痛快好像持续了几世纪之久，然后她的唇又回到我嘴巴上，胸部又贴回我的胸。我们再度接吻，这就是做爱了吧，我心想，全身骨头似乎都软掉了。但是在一分钟内，下部又不安分地逐渐地挺了起来，好像刚刚没有损失半点男性的精力，可以重来一样。
    似乎一整晚我们都重复这样做着，每次都欣喜，每次都完美，每次都很不可思议，而且在每次过后，我总是可以生龙活虎地马上再来。假如这是梦，那就是我做过最不可思议的春梦了；我宁愿这样梦一辈子。
    隔天早上，我在满室阳光中醒来。好久没有睡得正麽沈了，好像整个星期的疲劳都在昨夜调息过来。昨天晚上我作了个好奇怪的梦....这个怪梦，呵呵，想起来就好笑。我拉了拉被子，想赖一下床....奇怪，我手上碰到的是什麽？谁在我棉被里？我猛然睁开眼，她那头长发就在我眼前几公分远。
      「你醒啦？」
      「我醒了！」我回答。我醒了吗？是不是还在作梦？「奶....奶是谁？哦不不不，奶是什麽东西？我们昨天晚上真的....真的....」
    她把我的手拉到她小而柔软的胸部上。「真的....真的什麽？」她咯咯一笑，「我们昨天晚上是不是真的做爱了？当然是罗！而且做了一整夜呢！就一个没经验的人来讲，你的表现十分不错哦。至于我是谁？你还记得吧，昨天晚上还没帮我取名字，我们就急着玩乐了。如果你问我是什麽东西....」她忽然有点悲伤地讲：「好久好久以前，我也是一个有名有姓，健康正常的女孩子呢！」
      「好久好久....是多久呢？」
      「有几百年了吧？我也不太记得了。时间对没有躯体的人而言，是没有意义的。当我还是女孩子的时候，我很羡慕传说在空气中自由飞翔的精灵、女巫什麽的，但是一变成了虚无的灵魂，反而怀念有躯体实实在在的生活了。谢谢你帮我创造出这个身体来。」
    我沈默了一会儿，「有没有其他像你一样的女孩子？我的意思是，像你一样的....嗯...女鬼....变成人形的？」
      「可能吧！人死了以后都会变成灵魂的，应该都有一个天使来带领她上天堂....我的天使不知道为什麽没有来，害我一个人孤孤单单地在人世间漂流，每次看到别的天使带领着灵魂到天堂去报到，就觉得好羡慕。」她悲伤地说着：「我流浪了好几年，在很多地方修练，法力逐渐增加，好几年前我发现可以藉助人类的希望，把我变成真实的形体；一年前又遇到了你....看来我要感谢那个失约的天使了。」
      「听起来奶度过了好一段孤独的时光。」
      「还好啦！」她开朗的说：「能和你在一起，我就要谢谢上帝了。」
    我不知道该如何表达我心内的感伤，她曾经一个「人」，孤单的过了几百年，这个孤单的滋味我是知道的，非常的痛苦、空虚。我伸出手去，拥紧她，希望能去除她孤单的感觉。
    唔，我也不知道是怎麽回事，一会儿之后，我才发现拥紧的部位，正好是她细致的胸部。她的双手在我的前臂上来回游动。我看着她，现在的她是真实的，一点也看出是女妖或女鬼；在晨曦的照射下(别问我鬼为什麽照了阳光不会消失，我也是昨儿夜里第一次碰到鬼的)，除了嘴唇和硕大的乳圈外，她的皮肤是温暖的深褐色。她幽雅地甩甩头发，转过身来，一只手不安分地溜上了我的裸胸。
    一面看着这性感美女，一面感觉她的手指在皮肤上的动作，我很快地又兴奋起来。她一言不发地伏到我身上，对着我的坚挺，慢慢地坐了下去。刚开始她很慢，很柔，柔的我想发狂；然后她也感觉到我的需要，动作逐渐加快，狂野，尖尖的指甲拼命在我胸上画圈。我再也忍受不住了，抱起她，转过一个位置，把我的男性特徵深深地埋进她体内。再一次的，我把白色的种子播进她的容器中，我俩在狂喜中轻喊，一起到了天堂。
    我下楼买了早餐，刚吃饱，我从她的眼中发现她又要了。我把她的手从我的颈子上拨下来：「不行，我和同学约好了，待会要去写SA的作业。」我看着她，这女人真是漂亮呀，把她留在寝室会不会有问题？
    我心中突然闪过一个念头：「奶说奶会法术，那奶的法力有多强呢？」SA作业又多又难做，如果....唉，我这种想法真要不得。
      「法力？哦！其实我法力很弱的....」她说：「前几年修练完，我就慢慢摸索，发现如果我能积存到一定的能量，要施展法术就很简单。本来我常施法作弄一些神经兮兮的家伙，后来碰到你，觉得可以把法力作更好的运用；所以这一年来，我几乎不施法，直到昨天，把我自己弄成这模样，法力几乎消耗殆尽....我想我大概得这样过一辈子直到老死了。」
    我没有说话。听起来她作了一个很大的牺牲，但是对象是我，值得吗？我再度凝视着她，为她的高贵及刚才心中的念头感到羞耻。终于我出声打破沈默：「奶有名字吗？」
    她愉快的说：「你可以替我取一个新的呀？现在的我跟新生的一样。」
      「但是....你本来出生时是叫什麽呢？」
      「彭丝妲....」
      「这个名字很好嘛！你介意我叫你丝妲吗？」
      「也好！」她笑了，「我真高兴我选了你。你知道为什麽吗？」
    我微笑：「哦？为什麽？」
      「因为，你是一个真正有风度的男人。」
      「谢啦！」我笑着，眼睛不由自主地又溜向她美妙的胴体。「我该走了，我会写一整天程式，晚上才回来....奶呢？打算做什麽？」
      「我也不知道，这样好了，你叫我做什麽我就做什麽。」
      「喂，我可不希望你一天到晚待在我寝室里，当我爱的奴隶，找点自己的事情做做嘛！」
      「好吧！」丝妲想了一想，「也许我会到市中心逛一逛。」
      「去逛逛也好....」我突然想到一个严重的问题：「那衣服怎麽办？我没有女孩子的衣服耶！」
      「别担心。你忘了吗？我跟你尺寸是一样的，你的衣服我应该都能穿。当然啦，我得先跟你借套衣服，几天而已....我想你不介意！」
      「但是钱呢？钱怎麽办？我只是个穷学生。而且，你没有身份证或护照哇！最近抓非法外劳抓这麽凶，奶一出门可能马上就被逮捕了！」
      「别担心。」她笑着说：「只要我待会儿写几封信就万事OK了！来吧，我们先去挑衣服。」
    我拉开衣橱，幸好有好几件牛仔裤。我抓出其中一条深蓝色的丢给她，然后皱着眉说：「我没有女性的内衣裤啦！」
      「不要紧，暂时而已嘛！」
      「那你喜欢穿Ｔ恤还是衬衫？」我一面问着，一面在衣柜里翻，心中却想着，我的牛仔裤穿在她身上不知是什麽模样。
      「白色、圆领，有三颗扣子的那件好了！」她喊着。我突然惊觉，她真的跟着我一年了，连我有什麽衣服都清清楚楚的。
    我将衣服递给她，看着她把衬衫自头上慢慢套下，我又开口了：「丝妲，你确定你要穿这个？」
      「是呀！有什麽不对吗？」她调整了一下衣领，问着。
      「我觉得....不太适合！」
      「会吗？我觉得不错呀！」
      「可是你的皮肤黑，穿这个，这里特别明显。」我比了比胸部，「不信你自己看看。」
    她在门后的小镜子上照了半天，笑着说：「你不喜欢这个效果？」
      「我当然喜欢啦！」我说。
      「这可以啦！你还没看过我还活着的时候，穿过什麽样的衣服呢！赶快吧，你自己说得去写程式的，不要让别人久等了。」
    我离开以前留了一串钥匙，还有身上的一千多块给丝妲。在系馆奋斗了一天，等到要回寝室的时候，我有点希望她已经离开了。当然，丝妲很迷人，但是毕竟不是人类呀！
    我走到寝室门前，就听到我的喇叭流泄出轻柔的巴洛克音乐。打开门，迎面而来的是丝妲的笑脸：「程式写得怎麽样？」
      「还好。」我说。事实上，今天几乎没什麽进度，写程式时我一直在想着她。
    [email protected]
    赛门@脱星.十舍.交作业大学.教育部.台湾
    附录：英文原文
    Thisstoryisanotherfromthearchives,andisnotwrittenbyme.
    Requestsfortaboutanythingconcerningthesepostswillbeignored.SeetheFAQina.s.s.dformorrmation.
    Ghost
    IwenttobedSundaynightfeelingabitdepressed.Weekendsdidthattome,withtheknowledgethatotherswentoutandhadfunwhileIdidnothing,andithadbeenthekindofwarmspringweekendthatpeoplesayisripeforromance.IwaslyingonmysidewonderingifIwouldeverfindagirl,onearmundermypillowandtheotherarmhuggingthecoversagainstmyearwhenIheardaquietvoice.
      "Hello?"itsaid,soundingtentative.Itwasasoftlyfemininevoice,buttherewasnobodyintheroomwhocouldhavespoken.Afterabriefstartle,IignoredthevoiceandassumedthatI'dimaginedit.
      "Hello,"itsaidagain,morefirmly,tasmythoughtshadbeguntodrift.
      "Whoareyou?Whatareyoudoinginmyroom?"Ianswered,sittingupinthedarknessasIgropedforthebedsidelamp.Thelightflashedon,partiallyblindingme,butIcouldseewellenough.Nobodywasintheroomwithme.
      "Don'tgetupset,"thevoicesaid,pleading."Idon'treallyhaveaname,Iguessyoucanpickone.I'minyourroombeceIlikeyou,andI'vedecidedthatit'stimeformetointroducemyself.Ihopeyoudon'tmind."
    Isatinmybedwithmybackagainstthewall,staringaroundmyemptyroomandseeingnosignofanyone.Thevoiceseemedtefromnowhereinparticular."Whereareyouhiding?ComeonoutwhereIcanseeyou.Whatdoyoumean,youlikeme."
      "tthat.I'vebeenfollowingyouforayearnow,andIlikeyou.Astowhyyoucan'tseeme,Idon'thaveabodyyet."
    Islumpedinmybedandpulledthecoversbackuptomychin."Thenthistbeadream,"Isaid."Whatdoyoumean,youdon'thaveabody.Whatareyou?"
      "IguessI'maspirit,orsomethinglikethat."
      "Whatdoyoumean,youguess.Besides,Idon'tbelieveinspirits."
      "Itreallydoesn'tmatterwhatyoubelieve,"thevoicesaid,withachuckle."I'mme,I'mreal,Ilikeyou,andI'dliketobeyourfriend."
      "It'sahellofawaytobeginafriendship,"Isaid,sittingupangrilyinbed."Followingmearoundfor,whatwasityaid,forayear?Wherehaveyoufollowedmeanyway?"
      "Everywhere,mostofthetime.I'dliketosleepwithyou."
      "What?"
      "WhatIsaid,Iwanttosleepwithyou.Whatkindofbodywouldyoulikemetohave?"
      "I'veneversleptwithagirlbefore,"Isaid,feelingveryunsureofmyself.
      "Iknow,"shesaid,soundingsympathetic."I'dliketomakelovewithyou.Whatkindofbodydoyouwantmetohave?"
      "Areyayingyoucanmaterialize,thatyoucanlooklikeanyoneIwant?"
      "Yes."
      "Thatsoundsobscene!"
      "Why?"
      "Itdoes,that'sall."
      "Theretbeareason."
    Isighedandslumpeddowninmybed."Idon'tknow.Thisistooweird!Maybeit'stthatdreams,fantasies,thingslikethat,maybetheyaren'tsupposedtetrue.Shouldn'tIhavetoearnmyfriendsandeptthebodiesnaturegavethem?"
      "Usually,"shesaid,soundingseri."Butyoudidearnme,andsinceIdon'thaveabodyrightnow,youhaveachoiceabouthowyou'dlikemetolook."
      "Whatdoyoumean,Iearnedyou?"
      "Youearnedme,tthat.I'vefollowedmanymenovertheyears,andyou'rethefirstonewho'sinterestedmeinalongtime.
      "Whyme?"
      "Dopeopleneedreasons?"
      "No,Iguessnot."
      "OK,sohowdoyouwantmetolook?"
    Ihesitated,andthendecidelayalong."Howabouttallandslim,aboutmysize."
      "Easyenough,"shesaid."Pickaskincolor."
      "Idon'tknow,"Isaid,andthenchuckled."Suntanslooknice,butIthinktanning'sastupidactivity.Howaboutnaturallydarkskin,likepeoplefromIndiaorsomething."
      "Haircolor?"
      "Black,Isuppose.Anythingelsewouldlookoutofplace.Makeitstraightandlong,andIguessyourfeaturesshouldlookIndiantoo,youknow,oriental."
      "ButmosttallslimIndianshavewesternlookingfeatures."
      "Theydo?OK,ifyayso."
      "Whataboutmyfigure."
      "Howaboutmediumtosmallbreasts,withbignipples."
    Shechuckledagain."Thisisfun,Iguessedthatonefromthekindsofgirlsyouliketowatch.Howaboutbuild,skinny,lightlypaddedorcular?"
      "Slimbutcular,"Isaid."Befunctional,notdecorative."
      "Bodyhair?"
      "Idon'tbelievethis,"Isaid,fteredbythethoughtoforderingahumanbodythewayyou'dorderamealinarestaurant.
    Shechuckled."I'msorry,Igessthisisabitweird,butdoyouwantmybodytohavehair,pubichairandarmpithair?"
      "WhatchoicehaveIgot?Imean,it'sstupidforwomentoshavetheirbodies,butIguessIliketheideaofahairlessbody."
      "OK,Icanmakemehairless,"shesaid,andthenped."Thataboutcoverseverything,readyformetomaterialize?"
      "No!"Isaid,suddenlyawarethatIwasnaked."Letmeputsomethingon."
      "Whybother?Ican'tmaterializeclothing,onlyabody,soI'llbenude.Anyway,I'vefollowedyouaroundforayear;I'edtowhatyoulooklikewhenyou'renude,andIlikeit."
    Isighed."OK."
    Shewasthere.Itwasthatsimple.Onemoment,Iwasaloneinmyroom,andthenextmoment,thereshewas,standinginfrontofmeasIsatinbed.Shewasbeautifulinthelightofmybedsidelamp,slim,dark-skinned,withevendarkerareolasthatalmostcoveredhersmallbreasts,andlongblackhairdowntoherwaist.
    Shetookasteptowardsmeandheldoutherhand.Itookit,anditwaswarmandsolid,asrealasmyown.ShesmiledatmeasIlookedather,andthenshepulledmyhandtoherbreast."Come,feelme,enjoythebodyyou'vehelpedcreate."
      "Istilldon'tbelievethis,"Isaid,myhandtremblingasItouchedherbreast.Itwassoftandwarm,realflesh,andveryfeminineflesh.
      "WhatcanIdotoconvinceyouthatI'mreal?"
      "Idon'tknow,"Isaid.
    Shesatonmybedbesideme,herthighagainstmine,herbreasttouchingmyarmassherestedherarmaroundmyshoulders."Isuppose,"shesaid,speakingsoftly,"Isupposeitdoesn'treallymatter.WhynottenjoyafunnightoffantasyandletthequestionofwhetherI'mrealwaitforthelightofday?"
      "OK,butI'vegottogotoworktomorrow,youknow."
      "Don'tworry,Ipromise,you'llwakeuprestedandreadyforactioninthemorning."
      "Thenconvinceme,"Isaid,gettingoutofbedandturningtolookather."Convincemethatyou'remagic."
      "OK,"shesaid,grinning,andthendisappeared.Shewasgone,butinseconds,Ifeltasofttouch.Lipstouchedmine,handsslidovermyback,andwarmbreastspressedthemselvesagainstme.Itwasthestuffofpurefantasy,butitfeltsoreal.
    AsIsatbackonthebed,Igaveintothefantasyandbeganreturningthekisses.Therewasnothingtoseebythelightofmybedroomlamp,yetIfeltawomanoofmeasIlaydowninbed.Herlipskissedmyneck,herfingerstouchedmychest,andIstrokedherinvisibleback.
    MypenisrosebetweenmylegswithanintensityandspeedunlikeanythingIcanremember,andthenitwasengulfedinsoftmoistslidingwarmth.Ilookeddownandsawnothing.Myhandsrestedonnothingtoeachsideofmyerectpenis,butIcouldfeelit.IcouldfeelherbodybetweenmyhandsandIcouldfeelherbodysurroundingmypenis.
    Mycuriositywasoverwhelmedbythesensation.ThepressureinmypenismountedtolimitsI'dneverexperiencedinmysolitarypleasures,andthenIfeltaasmlikenothingI'deverexpected.Itroaredthroughme,itmountedhigher,androaredagain,sendingwavesofpureundilutedpleasurethroughmybodyasmypenisslidinandoutoftheinvisiblesoftvelvetofherbody.
    Itlastedalongtime,andthenIfeltherlipsonmymouthandherbreastsonmychest.Wekissed,Islidmyhandsoverherinvisiblebody,andIwonderedwhatwashappeningtome.Innotime,Ifeltmyerectionreturning,andtherisetoanotheasmsweptmythoughtsaside.
    Itseemedliketheentirenightwentonlikethat,oneimpossibledreamlikasmafteranother,eachperfect,eachsatisfying,andeachleavingmerestedandreadyformore.Ifitwasadream,itwasthemostincrediblysexydreamI'veeverhad,andifitwasreal,therewasnowayIcouldreconcileitwithanythingIknewaboutreality.
    Mondaymorning,Iwokeupawareofherbodypressedwarmlyagainstmine.Herfannywasagainstmyhips,herbackagainstmychestandmyfingerswereonherhardnipple.Icouldsmellher,andwhenIopenedmyeyes,Icouldseethebackofherheadonlyinchesfrommyface.
      "Areyouawake?"sheasked,inaveryquietvoice.
      "Yes,"Ianswered."Who,whatareyou?Didwereally...?"Ibrokeoffftered.
    Shechuckledandheldmyhandtohersmall,softbreast."Didwereallywhat?Wereallydidmakelovelastnight,almostallnight,ifthat'swhatyouwanttoknow.Forabeginner,you'reprettygood,itwasfun.AstowhoIam,Idon'thaveanameyet,butyou'reweetonameme.WhatamI?I'mnotsurewhatIamnow,butIwasbornagirl,averynormalgirl,alonglongtimeago."
      "Howlongago?"
      "Hundredsofyears,andit'sbeenacenturyorsosinceIlasttookhumanform."Hervoicesoundedsad."WhenI'minhumanform,Igetsodistedwithpeople,butwhenI'maspirit,Imisshavingabodysomuch."
      "Arethereotherslikeyou?There'saword,asu,isthatwhatyouare?"
      "Asu?I'veplayedthatroleattimes,andI'lladmitthatitcanbefun,butit'snotsomethingtodedicatealifeto.Idon'tknowifthereareotherslikeme.Iguessit'spossible,butI'veneverfoundanyevidenceofanyexceplktales."
      "Itsoundslikeyou'vehadsomelonelytimes."
      "Ihave,"shesaid,andthentookalongbreath."Youknow,inallthoseyears,I'venevertalkedaboutitwithanyoneelse."
    Ididn'tknowhowtorespondtoher,butIlikedthefeelingofherbodyagainstmineandIlikedthewaysheheldmyhandtoherbreast.Shestrokedmyforearmwithherhand,andthensatupbesidemeandlookeddownatme.Herskinwasawarmbrownintheearlymorninglight,exceptforherdarkbrownlipsandthedarkcirclesofherlargeareolas.Shegracefullyshookherlonghair,smiled,andslidahanddownmychest.
    Itwasexcitinglookingatherandfeelingherfingersonmyskin,andwhenshenoticedmyexcitement,shewordlesslystraddledmyhipswithherthighsandslidherselfdowntoengulfme.Shewasgentleatfirst,sittingonmyhipsandmovingeversoslightlywhileshesmileddownatmeandfingeredmychest,butasmyexcitementmounted,shebegantorockharder,andthenIcouldseethatshewasexcitedtoo.Ipulledhertomeaswenearedasharedclimax,andtheexquisitetouchofhernipplesonminesentmeovertheedgeaswekissed.
    Afterbreakfast,Ithinkshewantedtomakeloveagain,butIpedher.Ihedherawayasshetriedtohugmeandleadmebacktobed,andthenIconfrontedher,standingfacingherinthebedroomdoorway.
      "Look,"Isaid."Whoeveryouare,I'vegottogettowork.I'llbelateasitis."Herbeautifulbrownbodywasverytemptingasshestoodnakedbeforeme."Yaidytartedasanormalgirl,thenbecameaspiritorsomething,andnowyou'reverymuchagirl,butwhatthehellareyou?Howdidyoubeaspirit?"
      "Magic."
      "Right,"Isaid."Thetroubleis,thattellsmenothing."
      "Iwastrapped,myfatherwasamonster,hewantedtoforcemetomarryforhispoliticaladvantage,andImightaswellhavebeeninprisonthewayIlived.Worse,Iwasinlovewithaboy.Underthosecircumstances,wouldn'tyoutrythings,anything?Idid,Ifoundanoldbook,awizzard'sbook,Ithink,andtheresultwaswhatIamnow."
      "Whatelsecanyour,uh,yourmagicdo?"
      "Notmuch,notnow.I'vediscoveredthattheleseImakeofmymagic,thebetteritis.InthefirstfewyearsafterIearnedmyfreedom,Ifooledaroundwithitallthetime,anditgotboring.I'velearnedthatinthelongrun,it'smorefulaybytherules.I'vealsolearnedhowtemymagicpowerstotemporarilynullifythemselves,andlatelastnight,afterImaterialized,Ididit.Now,I'mallbutpowerlessuntilthisbodydies."
    Ididn'tknowwhattosay.Itsoundedlikeshe'dmadeahugesacrifice,anditsoundedlikeshe'dmadeitsoshecouldlivewithme.Ilookedatherforawhile,tryingtounderstandher,andIfeltabitlamewhenIfinallybrokethesilence."Doyouhaveaname?"
      "EachtimeI'vetakenamaterialformforanylengthoftime,I'vetakenanewname.Youchosemyform,youmayaswellnamemetoo."
      "Butwhatnamewereyoubornwith?"
      "Beryl."
      "It'saprettyenoughname,doyoumindifIcallyouthat?"
      "OK."Shesmiled."I'mgladIchoseyou,youknow?"
      "Why?"
      "Beceyou'reagentleman."
      "Thanks,"Isaid,lookingatherbeautifulbodyasshestoodinfrontofme."Look,whatarewegoingtodo.WhatamIgoingtodowithyou?"
      "Idon'tknow."
      "That'scrazy.I'vegottogotoworktoday,whatwillyoudo?"
      "Whateveryouwantmetodo."
      "No!Whatdoyouwanttodo?I'msureashellnothavingyouhangaroundmyapartmentallthetimeassomekindofloveslave."
      "MabeI'llgooutandlookaroundthetown."
      "What'llyouwear?"
      "Togoout?Idon'tseemuchpointinwearingclothesaroundthehe.We'rethesamesize,youknow.I'mnoedtowearingmen'sclothes,butthesedays,IguessIcould.DoyoumindifIborrowsomeofyourclothes?"
      "Whataboutmoneyandidentification?Nowdays,youcan'tverywellrunaroundtownwithoutmoney.Don'tgetmewrong,you'reverypretty,andsofar,you'vebeenlotsoffun,butyou'realegalnon-person,andthatposesproblems."
      "Don'tworry,"shesaid."Ihaveafewletterstowriteandthat'llbealltakencareof.Let'sgetdressed."
    Ibackedintomybedroomandpulledoutapairofjeansforher,thenhesitated."Idon'thaveanygirlsunderwear."
      "That'sOK.LasttimeIhadabody,theyhadn'tinventedmodernunderwearyet.Quitefrankly,Idon'tseemuchpointtowearingitanyway."Shesteppedintomyjeansandpulledthemup.
      "Whataboutashirt,"Iasked,admiringthewaymyjeanslookedonher.
      "Withmydarkskin?"sheasked,andthenped."Here,I'llshowyou,"shesaid,steppingintomyclosetandpullingoutawhiteshort-sleevedshirt.Itwasaknitshirt,pulloverstyle,withthreebuttonsattheneckline."Howaboutthis?"
      "OK,"Isaid,andthenitstruckmehowodditwasthatsheknewwhatclothingIhadinthecloset.Shereallyhadbeenwatchingmeforalongtime.
    Asshepulledtheshirtonoverherhead,Ibegantohavesecondthoughts."Beryl,areyureyouwanttowearthat?"
      "Why?"sheasked,adtingthecollar.
      "Well,it'snotverymodest."
      "Whatdoyoumean?"
      "Withyourdarkskin,yournipplesshow,lookatyourself."
    Shelookedatherselfinmybedroommirror,andthenturnedtomeandgrinned."Don'tyouliketheeffect?"
      "Well,"Isaid,lookingather.Herdarkareolaswerevisiblethroughthethinfabric,andthelumpsofhernipplesstoodoutclearly."Iwon'tsayIdon'tlikelookingatyou."
      "ThenOK.YhouldhaveseenthedressesIworetwocenturiesagoduringtheGreekrevivalcraze.Comeon,asyaid,you'reinahurrytogettowork."
    BeforeIleftforworkMondaymorning,IleftthesparekeytotheapartmentwithBerylalongwithfortydollars.IhalfexpectedhertodisappearwithbothbeforeIgothomefromwork,butasIwalkedupthestepstomyapartment,Iheardomingfrommysterio.
      "Howwaswork?"BerylcalledasIopenedthedoor.
      "OK,"Isaid,closingthedoorbehindme.Actually,mydayhadn'tbeenveryproductive;I'dspenttoomuchtimethinkingaboutBeryl.
      "Sitdown,"Berylsaidasshecameoutofthebedroom."Whenwasthelasttimeyouwentouttodinner?"
      "It'sbeenalongtime,"Isaid,lookingather.Shewasn'twearingtheclothesshe'dbeenwearingwhenIleftherinthemorning;instead,sheworeashortwhiteskirt,perhapsfingertiplength,withasilvercamisol.Herhairwaspulledbackinaponytail,andsheworearowoffourringsineachear.
      "Likeit?"
      "I'mnotsure,"Isaid,staring."You'reawfullysexylookingdressedlikethat."Thecolorssetoffherbrownskinnicely,andthefabricofthecamisoledrapedgentlyoverhersmallbreasts,hintingattheirshapeinsteadoffranklyrevealingthemthewaymyknitshirthad."DidIgiveyouenoughmoneytobuyallthat?"
      "Ispentafewofthedollarsyougavemeonfabric,thenspentabitoftimesewing.TheearringsonlycostfourbucksapairatthatIndianimportoutletinthemall."
      "Butearpiercing,theydon'tdothatforfourbucksapair."
      "Ididthatmyselfwithasewingneedle."
    Ithaveblanchedabitatthat,beceshewalkeduptomeandgavemeagentlehug."Don'tworry,I'vegotenoughmagicleftthatitwasn'tanyproblem."
      "Soundslikeyouwenttoquiteabitofeffort,"Isaid,tryingtocollectmyfeelings."Where'dyougetasewingmachine."
      "Ididitbyhand,"shesaid,lookingdownatherselfasshesteppedbacoseforme."I'veneveedasewingmachine,andIgrewupsewingmyownclothes.Anyway,thesemodernstylesareprettyeasy."
    Shesmiled."Comeon,let'sgoouttodinner.Iknowyouhaven'tbeenoutsociallyintheyearI'vebeenfollowingyou,andyouneedit."
      "OK,"Isaid."Where?"
    Shehadaplaceinmind,andIdidn'tseemtohavemuchchoice.Idrovethere,anditturnedouttobeabar,notadive,butaplacewithfoodthatlookeddecentandadancefloor.Therewasevidencethatabandwouldbeplayinglater,butaswewalkedtoatable,theonlyicwascanned,andthatwasn'ttooloureventconversation.
    Wesatatasmalltable,andafterwe'dordered,Berylleanedforwardonherelbowstolookatme.Ienjoyedthewayhercamisolehung,almostbutnotquiteexposinghernipplesasshefacedme."Iguesswe'vegotsometalkingtodo,"shesaid.
      "You'renotkidding.Wheredoyouwanttostart."
    Shetookadeepbreath."Idon'tknow.I'veneverdoneitlikethisbefore.Ialwayseithepletelyhidmytruenatureorplayeditupalltheway,youknow,appearingfromaburninghandmakinglikeI'msomekindofangel."
      "So?I'mgladyouwanttobehonest,butisthattheproblem?"
      "Notreally."
      "Whatis?"
      "Inaway,Iguessit'smoderntimes."
      "What'stheproblem?"
      "Freedom.IguessyoucanseethatIliketheideaofbeingabletoexpressmysexuality,andIliketheideathatagirlwholikesaguycantmoveinwithhim,but,well,therearesomethingsyoucan'ttakerantedthesedays."
      "Like?"
      "Intheolddays,agirlcouldexpectmentosupportherwithoutmuchtrouble.She'dkeepheandkeepthebedwarm,andhermanwouldearnthemoneyanddealwiththeworld.It'snotlikethatnow."
      "Right,andit'sworse.Togetajob,youneedasocialsecuritynumber,andtogetanumber,youneedproofoflegalresidenceandemployabilityintheUnitedStates."
    Shegrinnedatme."Iknow,Ihaven'tbeenasleepalltheseyears.ThefirstthingIdidthismorningwasbuyapostalmoneyorderandwriteforacopyofmybirthcertificate."
      "What?Ithought..."
    Sheshedme,thencontinuedinalowvoice."IwasborninWyoming22yearsagoandI'mhalfAmericanIndian.MyfolksnamedmeJennySmith,butI'vegonebythenameBerylsinceIranawayfromhome."
      "Whataboutschoolrecords,thingslikethat."
      "I'mself-educated,anddamnproudofit!"
      "Doyouhaverelatives?"IaskedasIrealizedwhatshewasimplying."Andwhataboutfriends?Theycouldreallymessthingsup."
      "They'realldead.Don'tworryaboutit."
    Thewaitressdeliveredourfood,andsoonafterthat,thebandstartelay,drowningoutanyeffortatcontinuedconversation.IlookedatBerylwhileIate,unsureaboutwhatshe'ddone.Itcertainlydidn'tsoundlegal,butatthesametime,Icouldn'timagineanylegalwayforaspirit,ifthat'swhatshewas,togetalegalidentityintoday'sworld.HadtherebeenaJennySmith?Howhadshedied,andhowdidBerylthinkshecouldclaimheridentity.Iwasn'tsureIwantedtoknow,andinawayIwasgladthattheicwasloudenougreventmefromasking.
    Thefoodwasquitegood,andtheicwasgoodenoughthateventhoughI'mnodancer,Iwastappingmyfeetandgentlynoddingmyheadtothebeatofsomeofthepieces.MykneestouchedBeryl'sunderthelittletable,andaftershefinishedhersmallmeal,sheslidherhanddownunderthetableandresteditonmyknee,smilingasshetouchedme.
      "Wanttodance?"sheaskedduringthefirstlullintheicafterwefinishedeating.
    Ihesitated."I'mnogood."
      "So?Ihaven'tdancedinyearseon."
    Theeveningpassedinawhirl.Shemaynothavedancedforacentury,butshedidknowhowtodance,andbetterthanthat,shewasagoodteacher.Afterashortwhile,Iotmyawkwardnessandbeganenjoyingmyself.Berylwasfuntowatchasshegyratedinfrontofme,andIcouldtellthatshewantedmetowatchher.
    Astheicslowed,Iwantedtoholdher,andjudgingbythewayshedancedinmyarms,shewantedtobeheld.Herfingersgentlytracedthecurveofmyback,andshefeltwarmandsoftasshemovedagainstmewiththebeatoftheic.
    Asthepieceended,shewhisperedinmyear."Let'sgohome."
      "OK."Isaid,andfollowedhertothedoor.Followingherwasfun.Hershortskirtseemedawfullyshortwhenseenfromtherear,barelydecentbutveryfuntowatch.Itwasalmostdisappointingasweleftthelightsofthebarandwentoutintothedarkparkinglot.
      "Thatwasnice,"Berylsaidaswewalkedintomyapartment.Shetookmebythewaistandkissedme,holdingthekissforalongtime,strokingmybackwithonehandwhilesheheldherotherhandonmychest.Ifeltabitawkward,unsurewhatIshoulddowithmyhands,untilIrealizedthatittbereasonableformetodowithmyhandswhatshewasdoingwithhers.
      "Thatwasnice,"shesaid,breakingthekiss."Ilikethewayyoutouchme."
    AnufortablethoughtstruckmeasIlookedather."Dowehavetoworryabout,well,birthcontrol?Imean..."
    Shesmiled."No,butifyouwantchildrensomeday,wecanhavethem.Wouldyouliketodancesomemore?"
      "OK,"Isaid."Whatkindofic?"
      "Somethinglong?"
    Iputonatape,andthensheheldmyhandandwebegantodanceagain.Shewasasensubeauty,anditwasn'tlongbeforeIwassexuallyaredbythewayshetouchedmeandmovedwithme.
      "Don'tgetimpatient,"shewhisperedasIfondledherbreastthroughthethinsatinofhercamisole.Shehedawaymyhand,andforafewminutes,wedanced,facingeachotherbutnottouching.
    Beryldancedgracefully,backtome,andIwantedtohughertome,butsheshruggedoffmyarmsandbegantoundomyshirt.Hertouchwasgentleasshepulledmyshirtoff,butsheneverpeddancing,andwhenmyshirtwasoff,sheflowedintomyarmsonceagain.
      "Youcanundressme,ifyouwant,"shewhisperedasIslidmyhandsoverherbody.
    Ifeltclumsytakingoffhercamisole,butshesmiledasIsetitaside,andthenshesteppedbackfrommeanddanced,lettingmewatchthegentleswingofherlongblackhairandthebounceofhersmallbreastsasshemoved.
      "You'rebeautiful,"Iwhisperedasshecamebackintomyarms.Herbreastspressedsoftlyagainsmychestaswedanced,andIcouldfeelthefourearringsinherearagainstmycheek.
    Shedidn'tanswer,butslidherhanddownmybackandslidafingerunderthewaistbandofmypants.
      "Keepdancing,don'tsayanythingmore,"shewhispered,kneelinginfrontofme,stillswayingwiththeicasshekissedmybellyandundidmybelt.Shegentlypulledoffmypants,andasshefreedmyerectpenis,shegentlykisseditbeforestandingtohugmeandkissmeonthelips.
    Mypenispressedagainsheraswedanced,andshesmileddownatitandpetteditbeforesteppingbackandpullingmyhandtothebuttonsthatheldherskirt.Iknelttoundothefourbuttons,andthenkissedherbellyasIsettheskirtaside.Unbuttoned,theskirtwaslittlemorethanabandoffabricayardlongandabitoverafootwide,andsheworenothingunderit.
    ShepulledawayfrommewhenItriedtoholdher,butshekeptdancing,lettingmewatchtheeroticmotionofherbodyforafewminutesbeforeshefinallypulledmetoherandkissedme.Ourdancinghaddegeneratedtotswayingtogether,andasIkissedmywayawayfromhermouth,shehuggedmebythebackoftheneckanddirectedmyattentiondownward,firsttohersoftbreastsandhardnipples,andthenlower.
    Iknelttokissherbelly,andthenhesitatedaboutkissinganylower.Sheknelttofaceme,herkneestomykneesandherhandsonmybuttocks,kissingmeagainasweswayedtotheic.Mypenispressedeagerlyintothespacebetweenherlegs,andafteraminute,shehedmegentlybackintoasittingpositionontherugandthenstraddledmylapandworkedherselfdownoverme.AsIenteredher,shekissedme,hard,andthenleanedback,holdingmewithherhandsbehindmyneckandsmilingatmeaswerockedtotherhythmoftheic.
    Shelookeddownatwhereourbodiesjoined,andIlookeddown,followinghergazeandfeelingabitawed.Islidmyhandsfromherfannyuphersides,andhersmileturnedtoblissasIbegantogentlytouchherbreasts.
    Ilosttrackoftimeaswerockedtotheic.Myattentionwasfoedonthemoistwarmthofherbodysurroundingmyerectpenis,andthenanintenselookcameoverherfaceasshepulledmetoherandbegankissing.Herhipsrockedinmylap,andIcouldfeelwavesofcularcontractionripplingthroughherfromwithin.Shegasped,andthenIwasgaspingmyself,feelingthepumpingwithinmeasIrockedmyhipsinadesparateefforttothtmyselfevenmoredeeplyintoher.
    Weheldeachotherforawhileafterthat,stillrockinggentlytothebeatoftheic,butrelaxedandhappyinthewarmafterglowofwhatwe'ddone.
      "You'refun,"Ieventuallywhispered.
    Shesmiledshyly."Youtoo.Let'sgetintobedandI'llteachyomemorewaystodoit."
    .